*As much as I love the word fuck, I don’t wanna use it in a title. But trust me, I wanna say fuck, oh so bad.
Hey guys, how’s it going? Oh really? Well, we’re in hide the knives mode over here in the 108. Not for us though, we expected this and we even told you this year was gonna suck major balls….YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LISTENING!!! WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN? WHAT ARE YOU DULL OR SOMETHING? But yeah, we are hiding the knives just in case you guys stop by. Good luck using that spork!
We know you guys are struggling, and while you can blame a lot of things for this, I think we can blame our need for instant gratification the most. We fully understand that this rebuild will take time, but yet here we are confused cause we are still not a contender in year 2. Why does this confuse us? WE DON’T WAIT FOR SHIT BRO! We can get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s delivered to us within the hour by a drone or a real life person! We don’t wait for nothing, NADA. I’d say that that pint of Ben & Jerry’s would taste better if you waited for it, or rode your fat ass to the store to get it, but it won’t. It tastes just as fucking good when a drone gives it to you.
Some of the older guys will remember this, but we couldn’t always do a Google search to find some adult entertainment on demand. We were limited to what we had on hand (ha) and sometimes you didn’t have the best choices. Sometimes, like in the case of my buddies bro-in-law in Vegas, a newly purchased (and barely read) Stuff magazine will work. You thought I forgot about that huh John? Nope, you fucking repressed pervert, you ruined my new Stuff magazine on a fucking BACHELOR PARTY WEEKEND IN LAS VEGAS! The whores were abundant, and you HAD THE MONEY TO BURN! But yet that Stuff magazine put you over the edge huh? Weirdo.
Sadly, unlike the inventions of PornHub, Amazon, OnDemand, and shit tons of other stuff that have curved our spines, there is no replacement for good ol’ fashioned time passing. You have to watch the suck. You can throw money at it but who are we kidding, no way Jerry buys the biggest and best. Also, I am unsure you can buy AN ENTIRE NEW TEAM. I don’t think it works like that. So we are doomed to watch our team struggle for a while, so settle in and start taking joy in small things that are easily attainable. What is that you might ask?
1- No lines for anything at the park. It’s way too easy to get a brat or take a piss. Nothing like the 3 inning wait up north.
2- Cheap and even cheaper tickets. Take advantage before you are priced out in 2023.
3- Funny ass bloggers 108 and their antics at the park. Bro, we fucking funny aight? Read our nonsense or watch us get blind drunk in a hot tub yelling about Matt Davidson. We haven’t broken out one mask yet this year, they are coming yo!
4 – Watching the young guys develop (almost as much fun as watching the current team lose OR paint dry). Brutal I know, but some people like it.
5 – People watching at the park! We have some crazy ass fans that are showing up. For reals. Also, if you show up on a Wed, there are a ton of #108Thiccc chicks plowing hot dogs that might take you up on a $10 beer. Get her a Corona Light from our guy Brian or Champ, or better yet splurge and take her to the Craft Kave and spend an extra $1 and get her a South Side Pride. She might show you her south side pride if you know what I am saying. Wink, wink.
Now that we shared ours, feel free to send us your coping mechanisms during this trying time to our Twitter! Help us help you and others. Isn’t that what this is all about? YES. Just in case you were wondering, YES, this is what it is all about.
By now you are wondering why I brought up 2012 and why I am being disparaging towards that year. 2012 birthed @mysoxsummer (which in turn helped birth @fromthe108) so there is that, and it was my first full season here in B-Port. So that was cool. It was also a fun time as the Sox lead all year to win the division, but lost it in dramatic fashion in Sept in about a week. So that was fun right? No. Chris Sale was dealing. Fun times? Sorta.
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But, the thing that happened that is causing us so much grief right now is that the 2012 team showed management that we were way closer than they thought to a contending team. Remember, 2012 was supposed to be a rebuilding year too (why Robin was even hired), but for some reason we played our asses off. We signed some shitty free agents to give ourselves a fighting chance in 2013, but remember how awful 2013 was? It was bad. Horrible. 63-99 bad. Our top prospect was Courtney Hawkins. Jeff Keppinger was on our team. Philip Humber has the dubious achievement of going from throwing a perfect game as a starter to coming out of the pen in the later months. Has that ever fucking happened? I have no idea, but I am going with no.
So they thought they were a few guys away from being good. WRONG. That easily set us back 5 years and K Will decided that he would continue to tinker with the team in hopes of making it a contender. Kinda like that pig that Homer cooked that Lisa liberated. “It’s just a little wet, it’s still good!”.
He tried. He brought us Jeff Samar-FUCK THAT GUY, had us let AJ go to make way for Tyler Flowers. Adam Eaton, Adam LaRoche, Geovany Soto, you get the point. Had 2012 been a bust, we would have gotten this started earlier and maybe we’d be in a good position right now.
We’ll never fucking know cause that 2012 team tried to win, and almost did it. Clearly Rick Hahn learned from that and totally traded away any talent that could possibly end up helping us win games so we’d stay the course right now. Cut out all hope that we could compete. And for that, as awful as it is to watch, I thank you Rick. I trust ya, don’t let me down brother.