Flat Luke’s Big Adventure
I missed the White Sox home opener this season and it had me suffering from extreme FOMO. I tried everything possible to make it work to where I could attend the game. Ultimately after it was announced that first pitch was being moved up one hour, I had no chance and I was extremely bummed. To my surprise, Missy rolled up to the Sadistic Bums tailgate with her fanny pack and presented Flat Luke to the world. It was like I was there the entire time. However, Flat Luke wasn’t just a quick appearance and put away for the day. Flat Luke was there to party. Let’s go to the tapes and see what went down.
Thank The Hosts
Upon arrival, Flat Luke’s first stop had to be to the #WhiskeyAtComiskey table to thank the gracious hosts for organizing the tailgate. Bologna and Johnny then force Knob Creek down FL’s flat throat and he is immediately feeling the effects of the booze while rocking out to Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. In case you were wondering, Flat Luke is a lightweight, but he can hang!
Stout Chugs With Dougie
Next up Flat Luke is embraced with a big warm hug from Dougie Fresh. Dougie then hands FL an exclusive 18 percent ABV stout brewed with cinnamon, Buffalo Trace, and Fruit Loops. Flat Luke and Dougie cheers to the occasion and slam this delicious breakfast stout in 3 seconds.
Making The Rounds
Flat Luke is now feeling the effects of the Knob Creek and the stout chug. As FL stumbles through the tailgate he is greeted by many friends. The word on the street is that Flat Luke doesn’t recall these pictures or the conversations at this point, but was amazed to have run into somebody who he thought was Jack Black. Turns out it was just Magnificent Stan.
A Visit To Shakedown Street
Naturally, Lot B is a spitting image of Shakedown Street at this point. Who else would Flat Luke run into at this point while the Grateful Dead’s banger of a song comes on the playlist? None other than Zo, of course! Flat Luke shared some Busch Latte’s and a heater with Zo while jamming out and talking baseball.
After a visit to Shakedown Street, Flat Luke is approached by two beautiful humans who seem very interested in him. They pick FL up for a selfie and some more action, however, this is the only picture that is appropriate to post for this blog. The word on the street is that the three of them may be on the Maury Povich Show this summer to try to see what exactly happened.
Missing Persons Report
The game begins and Flat Luke is nowhere to be found! Did he pass out in the parking lot? Is he at Corks already? Did he fall asleep while taking a poop in the bathroom? Nobody seems to know what exactly happened. Finally, post game there are some leads, Flat Luke has been kidnapped!
What a wild ride it was for Flat Luke and a big shoutout to Missy and Alexis for making this epic surprise come to life. Everyone pray for Flat Luke moving forward!