Good day friends, it’s your pal BeefLoaf, and I am going to discuss a potentially controversial topic, yep, something that men of a previous generation wouldn’t dare discuss in mixed company, but because the 108ers are true renaissance men, true men of the people, I feel it my duty (heh, he said “doodie”) to provide you with the top huggers in White Sox twitter. Look, everyone else is doing fire and brimstone posts about their anger with various things about the White Sox, dat ain’t me, I’d rather hug someone, I bring you……THE 5
5 – MySoxSummer
First on the list is my mufucka partner in crime, now, MSS and I are thick as thieves and he got my back like a Jansport, so you gotta wonder, why he’s #5 on this list instead of #1. We 108ers prefer self deprecating humor to praise, if one of yous out there reading this wants to argue and vault him up the list, I won’t stop you from saying so, but the one thing that pushes my guy, MSS, down this list???
Yep, mufucka is juicy as hell most of the time. It ain’t no thing, not like he’s a stinky guy or nothing, he just has a little extra moisture, I do too occasionally.
4 – Barstool Eddie
Look, a couple tree tings here, Eddie isn’t a member of White Sox twitter, nor is he even a Sox fan. Also, I’ve only met Eddie once. However, imagine this, you (me) are a fucking goofball that occasionally writes stuff on the internet, posts pictures of a foul pole because you think you are so clever and does hot tub videos. You find out you are going to meet a legit internet celeb and when you finally do meet the dude, he doesn’t give you the casual “Sup?” with the douche-nozzle head nod, nope, he comes right up to you and gives you one of the best fucking man hugs you have ever received. No pretentiousness, just a genuine fucking warm friendly hug. The fellas can vouch, dude is an excellent hugger, to go along with podcasting and blogging and shit. Chorizy still has marks to turn him to the dark side into a White Sox fan and the big homey Tony Da Mimbo is gonna help us. We’ll update the group.
3 – The Slumpbuster
I’ve known the Slumpbuster for much longer than this 108 shit. He’s the first friend (along with Biguns) that Chorizy and I made at the ballpark after getting our season tix in 2008. Since then we’ve gone on tons of trips together to see the White Sox, drank thousands of beers together and generally just had a bunch of fun times together. Through all of that, through hundreds of hello hugs, he still brings the goods. He still delivers every time.
Alright….the top 2 are in a class by theyselfs……LFG!
2 – Mr. Mare
The big homey Mr. Mare and Sleepy Harold are two of the first people we really got to know through this 108 shit. They were “early adopters” as the kids say now a days, or as people my age would say, the OGs. They are lots of fun to hang out with, whether we are just watching some weeknight ball game with ~2k people in the yard or if we are at one of Mr. Mare’s bitching tailgates, which I’m not at liberty to invite you to because unlike the usual sausage fests that ensue when a blog or podcast has a tailgate, his tailgates have an excellent girl to guy ratio that I don’t want to fuck up. Anywho, Mr. Mare is such a good hugger, I asked him to get out of his seat on Saturday night, during the middle of an inning to stand up and give me a fucking hug and you know what, he’s such a sweetheart, he did it.
1 – Covey’s Burner
When I was spitballin’ this list, I pretty much knew who’d be #1 before I completed it. As Chorizy told me the other day, when I said I was finally going to do this……”Covey’s Burner HAS TO BE #1, he’s the perfect height and shape for hugging.” I’m not exactly sure what that means, but it’s undoubtedly true. A friendly, warm embrace that you know is genuine. Also, Covey’s Burner holds the hug long enough to know your hugging, but lets you go in the perfect amount of time to avoid either of you chubbing up. It’s an exquisite hug.
I would dare you fellas to come at me with your top huggers in White Sox twitter, but I doubt the crowd is bold enough to do so. However, if you meet any of these fine gents in person, don’t hesitate to get a squeeze from them, YOU’LL LIKE IT!!