W is for Wasted.
I don’t know if you guys (and girl) have been paying attention, but the Chicago Cubs are in the World Series. Pretty amazing right? I thought they had already won it May. From what the media is telling me this is a pretty historic moment Chicago hasn’t seen in 70+ years. Well at least up North. I could easily write an entire blog about how the national media is really endearing itself to the Sox fan base by ignoring 2005, but fuck it. We live in a time where it has never been easier to check facts and yet in the rush to make a big splash on Twitter, facts get lost in the hustle. Yes the Cubs are “America’s Loveable Losers” but don’t forget the Sox brought one to this wonderful city first and only lost 1 game in the process. 11-1. Rant over.
Have you guys heard what is going on in Wrigleyville? Motherfuckin’ highway robbery son! $500 a table at these fine establishments – Old Crow Smokehouse, Deuces and The Diamond Club, John Barleycorn, Casey Moran’s and Moe’s Cantina. Some places you can pay $225 just for drinks and food (From 7pm till the 9th), no seat! Here is a full list of the places and what they are changing. Wanna know what’s even crazier? People have been in line since 5am?! 17 hours before the first pitch to PAY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS TO WATCH A GAME AT A BAR. ON A TV. Do Cubs fans HAVE to spend money? Is it not the same if you watch it in your neighborhood without having to pay hundreds of dollars to watch it? Douchebaggery at it’s finest, but wanna know whats worse? PEOPLE ARE PAYING THE CASH TO DO IT. I wanna work where you work so I can pay hundreds of dollars to watch a game on TV and wait in line for 17 hours to get that seat. Lordy.
Oddly I have been in a city when there has been a World Series. I happened to work at a bar up the street from (at that time) Bank One Ballpark for the 2001 D-Backs (The team that gave that drunk Mark Grace his only ring) vs. Yanks 7 game thriller. Remember that? It was nuts. I saw the best bootleg shirt I have ever seen in my life that night which read “It Takes More Than 9 Yanks To Beat Our Johnson”. Fucking classic. I worked the games and made some serious money on tips. Tables might have or might not have been sold by our hosts. They might have cost $100. But seeing these bars that profit off the Cubs fans all season every season do this is pretty cold, but expected. When I was up north for Pearl Jam, we hit up G Man (which is not charging a cover) but I am sure the line is a mile long now. It was good to see a place not taking advantage of the situation, but it’s hard to call these places out when there are people willing to pay it, so yeah.
So what do we have to look forward to? Well, for one, a big mess of DRUNKS. We in the 108 love the drunks. We are sometimes drunks ourselves. We sometimes get refused entry to a bar because we are too drunk and then sneak into said bar just to prove that we “aren’t that drunk”. So we get it, it happens. And you bet your sweet ass that if I am paying $200 for a drink package from 7 till the 9th I am gonna drink as much as humanly possible. I’ve sat in the homeplate club at the Cell which charges $200 a ticket and I have come to the conclusion there is no way I could drink or eat $200 worth of product to make it worth my while. It’s sad that I still have some dignity left.
Alot of people have been in Wrigleyville all day. Bars opened at 10am, guessing it was only a few minutes before Mr. Cub bought a Bud Light or a 312 cause they like “craft”. I’ve spent many a Saturdays and Sundays in a bar, where we went through both shifts. Those are fun days, but I can’t imagine thousands of people doing that in a small area with more drunks outside! The streets will be paved with puke and piss! And then when the game ends, the fun begins! 41k people are gonna be coming out of the stadium and no place to put them! It’s gonna be a fun night for Chicago’s finest. And believe me when I say this, there’s not a more respectful person than a drunk entitled Cubs fan. I am sure there will be no issues.
So I will say a little prayer tonight for all the bartenders that will get harassed and waitresses that will get stiffed. Door guys who will be called assholes and security guys who will try to stop people from pissing on the street. For the cops who will be wasting their precious time responding to drunk and disorderly calls.
I’ll be at my house, up the street from Sox Park, watching the world freak the fuck out about Joe Buck only slightly sucking the Cubs balls when he should be sucking them hard and stroking them at the same time. Tweeting somewhat funny things to all our fans. And YOU can be here at my house for only $500. I’ll make you a grilled cheese and you can have 9 beers. If you get lucky maybe BeefLoaf and Chorizy-E will swing by for some short glasses.
I just wanna see a good game and not see the city get destroyed. Please and thank you.
On a side note, please follow us on FB! Follow us here! We are planning all sorts of fun stuff for the break and for next season, we’d love to share it with you. Thanks!