STOP F*CKING BUNTING

1975: A batter leads off the inning with a double. The following hitter, as long as it wasn’t the 3 or 4 hitter, follows with a sacrifice bunt. The hitter after that proceeds with a sac fly, and you put a run on the board.

Let’s fast forward to 2017. You know what we have figured out in between 1975 and 2017? We determined through that voodoo known as math that sacrifice bunts actually hurt your chances to win. In fact, they are fucking dumb. No one should sacrifice bunt. Giving up an out when you only have a finite amount is not a wise idea. Go figure.

All of this leads me to Ricky Renteria. The Sox are averaging a sacrifice bunt every other game. That means they are on pace for 81 sacrifice bunts in a season. Let’s break that down even further.  This pace means that  the Sox will score no runs, and have no hits for 3 entire games. Granted, you are not going to win 162 games in a season. But with this math, you are guaranteeing yourself 3 games of zilch. We know that sacrificing is wrong, and we know that it lowers win expectancy, but why not do it 81 times? You know, just for the fucking fun of it.

The other day, our #1 prospect, our prize of the off season Yoan Moncada came up to bat with runners on. And you know what he was asked to do? You guessed it, lay down a sacrifice bunt. WHAT?!?!?! The player that we as a collective fan base have been waiting to see in a White Sox uniform is laying down a sacrifice bunt? What the fuck is Ricky smoking? While we don’t know the career trajectory of Moncada, I like to believe that it will be a cross between Harper and Cano. Anyone here remember the last time Harper or Cano laid down a sacrifice bunt? Me neither. When Ricky was asked why, he said he wanted Moncada to have it in his back pocket.  No, just no, I don’t want it to be in any back pocket. I don’t care if it is in the back pocket of his acid washed jeans from the 80’s, this skill needs to be lost forever.

The only way I ever want to see a sacrifice bunt again from any of these fucking players is if  it is game 7 of the 2020 World Series, bottom of the 17^th inning, tie game, we have exhausted our entire bench, we find ourselves with a runner on second, and Michael Kopech has been inserted into the game as a pinch hitter. Then, and only then, are the Sox allowed to bunt.  Until then, take all these sacrifice bunts and shove them so far up your ass that none of us ever has to see them again.

-Polish w/ Extra Onions