#FAKETRADES – Beefloaf Predictions

The stroke of 4th of July means trade season in MLB and with everyone else suspecting where players are going, we just couldn’t resist.  I am doing this in the manner in which the old Bulls beat reporter Sam Smith would write these up, full trade, fully fictional, but also FUN.  With that, let’s take a look at what your buddy BeefLoaf believes our fearless leader Rick Hahn will do before the dust settles on 2017 trade season.  Remember, these are for entertainment purposes, unless I get one right, then I will gloat and throw my substantial weight around.
Todd Frazier plus Cash Considerations to the Tampa Rays for Joe McCarthy 1b/of
The Rays tend to trade for anything that is a deal and could be a minor upgrade, see their recent trade for Adeiny Hechavarria, or any of their trades over the last decade.  With the Rays very much in this playoff hunt (according to Baseball Prospectus playoff odds, they are about 36.7% to make it) they’ll toss our Sox a low end prospect (one that controls the strike zone well) and they won’t need to use Rickie Weeks (yuck!) in the light side of the 1b platoon with Logan Morrison.  Truthfully, I almost threw the Dodgers in here because Andrew Friedman (former Rays GM, current Dodgers Prez-O-Dent of all shit that includes baseball) is the OG when it comes to taking more value for less value.  It wouldn’t shock me if it turned out that way, but I just much more easily see Frazier in a Rays uni than a Dodgers.
Melky Cabrera to the Kansas City Royals for Andrew Edwards RHP
The Royals aren’t a very good team, but like Jake Taylor the fictional character in the 1989 movie Major League, played by the handsome Tom Berenger, this is their last shot at a winner.  The Royals need everything, starting pitching, relief pitching, bats, new manager, etc. but they really can’t afford much more than Melky Cabrera.   Melky wouldn’t necessarily have a regular position on the Royals, so he’d be the primary DH down the stretch (Brandon Moss has been horrible, Jorge Soler has been horrible) and he’d possibly mix in in LF (Alex Gordon has been horrible).  The Sox get a guy who is large 6’5″ 265 and has a big fastball, but little else.  If he pans out, he’s another bullpen arm the Sox can overuse and send straight to Dr. James Andrews.
Anthony Swarzak to the Seattle Mariners for Rob Whalen RHP
The Mariners are desperate for pitching of all sorts, but don’t have the system to get a high end starter, so they’ll have to settle for a good bullpen arm.  Anthony Swarzak is their 8th inning guy…..TOMORROW…….  For the Sox, Whalen is another starting pitcher who throws sinkers and fits in with the Sox “type” of starting pitcher, you know, the ones that aren’t big prospects, but they might throw enough strikes to start for awhile in the majors.  It’s Anthony Swarzak, wtf you think you getting back for him?  I almost had the Sox getting back Cash Considerations, given the recent outlays and all the tricks JR has been playing with rain delays and concessions, but I decided that Jerry DiPoto would rather part with players.  FYI, this would be Jerry DiPoto’s 87th trade of the 2017 season.
Yolmer Sanchez to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or whatever the fuck they are calling theyselfs these days for David Fletcher SS
I’m actually sort of kind of stealing this idea ($1 SouthSideSox) as Yolmer is a great fit for a team that can’t afford to buy anything pricey, but needs to replace the corpse that used to be Danny Espinosa at 2b.  The Angels aren’t much of a team, but they are a team that is fighting for their playoff lives and luckily get Mike Trout back in a few weeks.  This is a lottery ticket shot for them, it is their best shot to make the playoffs in a few years and they’ll need some stuff to go right in the 2nd half to make it, so filling out the rest of the lineup with cheap talent wherever possible would seem a necessity.  For the White Sox Yolmer is a triumph of international development as they signed him as a 17 year old and now he’s a productive major league regular.  Yolmer is also highly redundant on a team that is going to be using Yoan Moncada at 2b in the next few weeks so it is best to grab value where they can for him.  Sox get another hitter that controls the strike zone, albeit one with limited upside.  I read something about David Eckstein in Mr. Fletcher’s comps……you’d certainly take a .345 career OBP from your utility man, now wouldn’t you?
Now, on to the FUN trades!!!!
David Robertson to the Texas Rangers for Leody Taveras OF and Connor Sadzeck RHP
The Rangers are definitely in their competitive window and can utilize Robertson next year for the final year of his contract.  I know, I know, all 6 of you that are reading this are thinking, what about the fucking Nationals??  Mike Rizzo is a studio gangster and won’t get this deal pulled off, so let’s forget about him.  The Rangers are desperate for a dependable back end of the bullpen arm.  They have already had to dispose of the carcass of Sam Dyson and they tried former #1 overall pick Matt Bush, but let’s face it, they need a real closer for this year and next.  Sure the Rangers are looking up at a big deficit for the division in 2017, but they are still right in the wild card race and they will be in the thick of things again in 2018 and Robertson will be under the final year of his deal.  On to the Sox….filed under the “let me know where you have heard this before” section, the Sox get a TOOLSY OF who is years away from the majors but with high upside AND a big armed righty that throws hard and has little clue where the ball is going.  It’s a perfect haul for the Sox and they don’t need to throw in any money, so it makes ownership happy, happy, happy.
Jose Quintana to the Milwaukee Brewers for Lewis Brinson OF, Trent Clark OF and Marcos Diplan RHP
The Brewers are a good team much faster than anticipated and with the Cubs taking a shit on theyselfs now is the best time for the Brewers to deal from their prospect riches and turn them into a front line starter, which is easily their biggest need.  Q gives them years of control during their competitive window and an anchor to their pitching staff.  Pairing him with Jimmy Nelson and Zach Davies, the Brewers would have a legit playoff rotation.  I just can’t see a reason why they wouldn’t do something like this, it fits them perfectly.  The Sox are getting the Brewers #1 prospect Lewis Brinson, who can play CF for them tomorrow morning.  He’s a toolsy CF who can definitely play high end defense at the position, but has some questions about the bat.  He’s not without risk, but if he pans out he’s a perennial all-star.  Clark is another big OF prospect, just much further from the majors.  Diplan fills out the deal as another good live arm for the system.  The folks at BP tend to think he’s a future closer, but I’m sure the Sox would continue to look at this kid as a starter until further notice, fuck, I mean, Carson Fulmer is still taking the ball every 5th day and most of the western world knows his ceiling is 8th inning guy.
Those are my predictions on future trades, what say you, White Sox fans?
– BeefLoaf
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