Folks. We are just starting July and some of you seem to be showing up to the park on a more regular basis! Kudos to you! If you aren’t making it out to the park, eh, I don’t really give a shit. You do you. Holla. The White Sox do a fine job at the park (especially with less than 20k in attendance) and they offer some of the best ballpark food I have ever come across. I like the local options, especially with the beers (RIP Baderbrau) but one thing that drives me nuts is the pricing. I feel like if we had a cheap menu option, it would be utilized. Much like the 2 ticket, 2 beer promo (or even $1 hot dog day) that is taking off, Sox fans like the deals.
So my thought, is how can we make it even better? Enter CostCo.
Have you ever had dinner at CostCo? Of course you have. You worked all day and you are out of some product that you eat in mass quantities. So you try to squeeze that trip in, but all the jackwagons that sweat the samples stations (taking TWO SAMPLES, DICKS!) seem to get all the samples. Rice pudding isn’t dinner, neither is half a pouch of Go-Gurt. You get through the trip and are walking out and the fresh and ready food area just smells unavoidable. If the line isn’t ridiculous, of course you go into the line to get a hot dog, or a slice, or even a churro.
This was us the other night. We needed to get some stuff at home and we pushed it. All my girls were hungry and when we walked out they had a new option that I wanted to try. It was delish and I was looking at the prices in awe. 59¢ for a POP. 59¢! Even P&P’s resident cheap guy James Duda would put out the 59¢ for a man sized pop. $1 Churros. Under $2 for an obscene amount of ice cream. Now, could this work in Sox Park? OF COURSE IT FUCKING CAN.
CostCo makes money, mad money yo. You wanna charge me $50 to $100 a year to get great deals? Go for it. I have been a proud member since 2000. Even in my single years, I got about everything I ate there. It was dope. I used to drink milk like I drink beer now, so basically it was a BOGO. And speaking of beer….
BOOM BITCH! With the closing of 108 fave Baderbrau, it might be time to revisit the Kirky Light train, the most inoffensive beer I have ever drank. If you like Bush Light, you’ll LOVE Kirky Light! ~$25 for 48 beers.
So how can we make this work?
MLB should sign up CostCo to do their concessions. We’ll stick to their menu, which as you can see below, is fantastic.
Thinking only of Chicago here, maybe they add in regional items. Like Italian Beef for the Windy City. Cheese Steaks for Phila. You get me? Now I am sure some folks that like selection are gonna bitch that they don’t have this or that, but ya know what? GFY.
I think they could even raise the prices and we’d all still be good with it in the end. People seem to be buying the $2.50 “PREMIUM” dogs on $1 Hot Dog night, but that could just be because they wanna be better than us scum that soak up all the $1 dogs. Ya know what? You aren’t better brah or brah-ette, AND you should take a long look in your fun house mirror and examine why you have to be better than me or my $1 dog friends. You’re such an asshole.
Anyways, I feel like people would love the new menu and they would support it. But what is missing? As I said earlier, CostCo makes their own beer! $3 cans – all game, every game. Maybe we can convince the good folks at CostCo to make a 19 to 24oz beer to go to the stands, that would be divine.
I know some of you are really fuming by now that I have attacked your sacred overpriced ballpark fare, so you know what I am gonna do? I ain’t gonna change shit about what they do now. Everything will stay the same but the stands that are closed on slow games and all through April / May, they become the CostCo stands. Maybe we pay a premium for the year as season ticket holders to fast pass the line, maybe we don’t. I imagine that the amount of beer / brats / churros / chicken bakes sold will be insane. All getting washed down with massive amounts of $3 Kirky Lights.
What have we learned? That CostCo can solve a bunch of issues at the ballpark and make the experience even better. Cheap Tix + Cheap Food + Cheap Beer = A 108 Wet Dream.
Gotta problem? Tweet at me! Do it! I double dog dare you.