Happy Holiday season frents! As we careen headfirst towards gift giving, overeating and trying to nimbly avoid undesirable family members, your best buddy BeefLoaf has a couple 5 tips for you. Now most people who you buy gifts for will either give you a list or put their list up on Amazon (which is where I stole that photo from, don’t snitch). Even if they don’t do that, you kinda know what to give them. Xmas gifts at this point are generally predictable and anti-climactic. They don’t allow for the creativity of yesteryear. It is what it is.
However, IF and this is a big IF, you do stockings with people, well then you got some room to have some goddamn fun and maybe even gift something you might get to share with them should you dump these specifically sized goodie bags together. Should you do them this holiday season, your boy ‘Loaf has a few GAME CHANGING suggestions. Listen here.
Game Changing Stocking Stuffers
The “Stocking” is unique, because there is finite real estate with which to provide the gifts. That creates a situation where SIZE MATTERS *eyeball emoji* so you need to think of maximizing that space. Also, you ain’t getting one gift and calling it a day. What fucking gift is even shaped like a stocking and perfectly sized to fit one? You know what, don’t answer that, let’s just focus on not doing that. Here we go…
Reese’s Xmas Tree Peanut Butter Cups
I’ve heard before that this version of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup has the perfect ratio of chocolate to peanut butter per bite. I’m not certain if that is true, but to me they are not only as delicious as any of the other varietals, but festive as fuck. Not to mention they are an easy fit into the Stocking sleeve, whether yours is pretty girthy or if you have a longer and leaner fit. It’s a no-brainer and realistically, you’d be a miser if you don’t trow at least two in there. Whether you open these on Xmas Eve or Day or even at a Friendmas, you are going to open these fuckers up damn near immediately. A classic.
Pringles Grab and Go Size
Pringles are a type of chip that probably isn’t in your regular rotation. They’ve lost some of their luster these last several years with everyone coming out with a kettle chip or flavored chips that nobody fucking asked for. Pringles had flavors way before all these mufuckas. The Grab and Go size has that classic can shape, but it’s a snub nose, so you can fit a couple if you want, or just one and you got room for plenty more stuff. My favorite varietal is the Sour Cream & Onion, but the regular or other flavors work fucking great here. These are also instantly shareable…if the giftee pops this open, there’s no shame in asking for a chip or 6.
Lip Balm
It’s not glamorous. But sometimes the stocking needs to have a couple three things that are functional and help you out in a pinch. I’m not gonna name no names, but some of yous got dry ass mufucking lips during the holiday season and it’s a tough look. Getting to the bar looking like you need a bottle full of lotion to rehydrate them crusty ass flappers. EMBARRASSING!! Lip Balm in the stocking is a life saver. I prefer Carmex, but any will do. That little tube is worth at least a couple 5 social events worth of lip hydration. And if the giftee is a bar hopper during the holidays (and afterwards), spring for a fucking 3 pack. Take care of your peoples.
Illinois Scratch Off Lotteria
A good chunk of WST tries to shame me for my gambling, but let’s be real, these folks don’t realize whatta gamble they got going on with their 401k or their limited career options or even the person that they been dating for 2 months that is most definitely the one. Life is filled with gambles, and some of the least risky and most fun gambles are Illinois scratch off lotteria. There are tickets of all prices, from $1 to $50 each, so you can spend a little or a lot. And if you are at a party, there is nothing more fun that having a fist full of these mufuckas come spilling out of the stocking. So fun to sweat and see if your friend won enough to buy everyone a round the next time yous are out. Fun, Cheap and Exciting and the judgmental won’t feel like total degens since it will have been a gift. BOOYAH!
Event Tickets!!!
This seems self serving (and it is for this sentence, BUY HERE). However, reasonably priced tickets to a local show (comedy, music or whatever the fuck the 108 show is) can be an outstanding gift. Give the person a chance to get out of the house with friends at a totally legit price. Winters can suck and it’s tough to get off the couch, unless it’s planned in advance. Great way to check up on your peoples.
Like these stocking ideas? Got any of your own, hit me up on the TWITTERS!! LFG and Happy Holidays!
-BeefLoaf