SoxFest After Party Bold Predictions: Chorizy-E

Mazara Menechino

Nomar Mazara will play the majority of games in RF and have a .900 OPS and lead the team in HRs while doing it. Before you get excited, this will turn Frank Menechino into the same soothsayer that Don Cooper is labeled as. The Sox will then trot in every failed prospect you ever heard of. But those results are for next year’s prediction show.

Section 108 20/20

Using my superior 3rd grade level counting skills, I found there are roughly 125 sections in Sox Park. However, with the acquisitions Section 108 made this offseason, the section will account for a whopping 20/20. That being 20% of beer sales and 20% of hot dog sales. Sorry Timmy, I’m predicting our 20/20 instead of yours this year.

New Shields

I went a full year without James Shields last year and to say the least, it was soul crushing. But I’ve bounced back and found a new favorite veteran pitcher. No, it’s not Dallas Keuchel. It’s none other than Gio Gonzalez. Now, I don’t want to get carried away again and say AL Cy Young because that vote is unfair as we’ve seen before. Instead, I’ll predict another useless accolade and say Gio Gonzalez will be the White Sox first 20 game winner since Esteban Loaiza. Gio will probably not go to prison though.

Burger Time

Jake Burger will surprise everyone by retiring from baseball to join the On Tap Sports Network to cover White Sox baseball, but mostly Fortnite tournaments.

Wins

I’ve been the guy who predicted 100 loss seasons pretty much every year we’ve done this. And I was very tempted to bring that prediction back. But fuck that, we’ve had enough losing baseball to fill a lifetime. It’s time to start winning. It’s time to have a full stadium on an NFL Sunday in September. It’s time for me to predict the White Sox to WIN 100 GAMES.

-Chorizy-E